Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
