I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
