I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
