But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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