youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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