well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
