just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
