benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
