So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
50% drunk capacity currently
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
