shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
