This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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