I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
