We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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