I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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