Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
