i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
