3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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