My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you bring me the toilet please
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
