hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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