I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again