I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.