If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?