Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me