The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals