I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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