Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
