Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize