I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
