I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize