She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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