Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
