she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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