Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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