She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
