Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
