dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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