you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
