hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
