She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
