apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
