I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
