dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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