Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
