You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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