Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
