are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
And then he peed in my hair
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