dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So many bounce houses so little time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
