You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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