Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize