final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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