i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
