I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
