i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
