Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
