All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
