well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
