Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
