This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
