i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was confusing and full of hummus
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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