the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I skipped work to stalk him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
