By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
