we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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