that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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