so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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