I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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