I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
