hotel room ftw
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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